there's nothing pleasant about tearing me in half.

I wish you'd both reconcile. I wish you'd realize that you're both being childish. Running away may give you peace of mind and take you away from the problem at hand, but it won't fix this. You were so close and you let something like petty jealousy (over something nonexistent, mind you) break everything. It's all in your head, and you don't want to hear it because you hate being wrong. You hate it so much that you're willing to lose all of your friends just to be right.

Ever since you left, you've changed. If you don't believe people can change, then you can't even see yourself. Because you're not the same person I knew a few weeks ago. You're proof enough, so look at yourself through my eyes- yours are too clouded with bias to know the difference. Maybe you feel more comfortable in your new skin because you're not being yourself. Did you ever think that you're pretending to be who you wish you were? But that's not the person we've grown to love, my dear. We loved you the way you were- granted with slight improvements. This new you is too different, and I daresay too rash and prone to bad judgment.

I don't remember you ever being so temperamental. Maybe I just didn't really know you. But the change is far too sudden and the only thing I can attribute it to is the most sudden change.

If you must know, people are tired of hearing complaints and excuses.

By all means, complain. No one can stop you. But don't get so upset when someone tries to suggest something, and don't just write it off with a simple excuse. I know I'm guilty for making excuses, but if I didn't I wouldn't be human. Besides, it takes one to know one, as the saying goes.

To the other party involved, you're letting your age and immaturity be your only excuse sometimes. People wonder why I stick so close to you, and sometimes I wonder it too. I really wish you'd stop trying to be so cool for everyone and just be. There's a certain facade you exude that needs to be broken down like Berlin. You're just trying so hard to fit in, and you're making it- there's no mistake about that- but you're not being true to yourself...

People don't just suddenly hate that which they loved. You're only telling yourself that because you don't want the words and the songs to own your heartbeats.

Because if you lie to yourself about it enough, it might become truth.

But that's not the way to do things, and I wish you could admit to it.

This is me getting my thoughts out, no matter how jumbled they may be. This is me trying to explain what I want from you, and you. This is the only way I know how to say it, and I want to say it so desperately to you both but I lack the courage. I doubt this will ever be read by the ones that need to read it most, the ones that will understand its meaning, be offended or upset by it, not want to talk to me, whatever. But I'm too much of a coward to say it to anyone's face.

i am every cliche, but i simply do it best.

What is truly generic? Why do people just lump something into that category when they know little to nothing about it? And why do they make it seem like you can't prove them otherwise because they don't feel like learning about the intricacies of whatever genre you're going on about?

The fact is, dear readers, that I am nothing more than an imitation. Nothing about my personality is or will ever truly be mine and I'm okay with that. Why can't other people be okay with it? Why do I have to be one hundred percent original? Why does anyone? You can't copyright an entire genre.

If I want to draw anime, fucking let me and don't try to discourage me with "you need to make it yours" or the like. Because that's just a fancy way of saying, "but it's just too overdone and I want to see something new."

Maybe there isn't anything new anymore. Did you ever think of that? I am of the belief that in our world today originality- and I mean true originality- is dead. Everything's been done by now, by someone in some corner of this world. No matter what you draw, write, or create, someone has done it before and someone will say, "well this reminds of a work by another artist."

Why do I feel like I'm the only person who gets that?

does it make you cooler to like indie bands in lieu of popular ones?

Silence is the loudest sound on earth, I'm convinced. Nothing can give me a worse headache than complete, utter silence. That's why God made iPods. Of course, I'm with classmates. I feel so safe with them, so comfortable. These classmates I've known for long enough that I won't feel judged by them.

Maybe it's the hunger or the chemicals in the dark room, but I'm inebriated enough to sing in front of them, and I do it. I sing along with my iPod because it's just us in the lab. Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, Cute Is What We Aim For, Plain White T's. I sing with them (I would sing along with Gym Class Heroes, but I'm too white to rap properly).

This guy walks in and I'm still singing and he turns the radio on. Drowning me out? I guess. Maybe he just doesn't like my taste in music. Maybe he's just trying to emit that artsy persona that snooty artists like to exude to make their penises somehow grow (or ovaries, respectively). Let's face it, that's the only reason people play the college radio station...

squeezing me so tight, i need to loosen this belt.

Today I was asked if I write differently online knowing that people read it. Do I omit things? Yes, I know I do. Because there are only so many people I can trust to know my innermost thoughts. It's the control freak in me, I guess.

my jeans is tight so into my love rocket climb

And this entry’s for you. Because I’m hoping that you’re reading it (now that I’ve revealed its existence to the world). And I’m pretty sure that you’re going to think it’s for him but it’s not. It’s for you.

I love you more than I’ll ever verbally admit.

Maybe if you get me drunk enough… but short of that, I’m too guarded- too scared to say it. Because if I say it too much, it’ll fade like an old photograph. Sun stained, wrinkled and forgotten in a box upstairs collecting dust like all the others.

I just hope you know it because I hate myself for thinking like that. Because I know it’s one of my more difficult quirks. Because I know it’s somewhat silly to be afraid of that. Because last time I loved someone this much, it did fade. Everyone says that history repeats itself.

For our sake, I sure hope they’re wrong.

you're the only person i know who eats pizza flavoured chips.

And you swear to God you know exactly what it is that the man of your dreams needs. But did you ever think that it isn't you?

so there's this thing called karma.

It's funny talking to others about beliefs.

Every break means a different train of thought, ok? There are so many...

Someone took time out of their day to etch into the stall that taking a dump always takes forever. I can't help but think that they clearly need more fiber in their diet.

Whenever bad things happen, expect good things because they will always balance out. Unfortunately, worry when too many good things are happening 'cause bad things are just around the corner. It's sort of a double-edged sword, that.

It just struck me how depressed I can actually get over the stupidest things.

I don't know why I don't change the things that need to be changed. It's like I'm scared of something, but I'm not really sure what it is (or if it's even scary). I suppose everyone's like this, because if everyone did the things they needed to do when they needed to be done I'm sure the world would be much different.