as it turns out, this foot in my mouth is very tasty.

Written last night at midnight.

Everyone else always knows what you need.

You need a new toaster, car, television, et cetera. Beyond objects, you need to be saved. Your current beliefs are inferior to mine! Here, let me force mine on you so you can see the light.

What you know, what you’ve been taught is what makes sense. So when you learn something about someone else, or when you stumble upon it, sometimes those predisposed notions come back to haunt you. Forget the clever joke dad made when he pointed out that the Spanish word for “witnesses” (testigos) sounds and looks a lot like “testicles.”

I wonder if I made a face when I was talking about those papers that Jehovah’s Witnesses pass out, door to door. It didn’t dawn on me and she might be one. She’d spoken to me about not celebrating Halloween but I just assumed that since they have a mile-long driveway, it’d be hard to go Trick-or-Treating.

I never made the connection that the only reason they had those papers in the house was because that was her faith, speaking of the mile-long driveway.

In a sense, I wonder if that’s part of the reason they live so far into the woods. So other Witnesses don’t bother them? That’s probably a silly train of thought.

But now I feel like the biggest douche bag for even making the comment, for even letting the thought cross my mind. And it wasn’t so much the thought, I was just making a statement that those papers they hand out have a certain look to them that I’ve grown to recognise.

And now, my Catholic upbringing is making me feel guilty for something that probably shouldn’t be making me feel this bad. I didn’t know, they’re pretty hush-hush about their private lives. She has no reason to be mad at me, but I can’t help but think that my wording and my inability to stop talking about Jehovah’s Witnesses as I desperately tried to save myself (but inadvertently continued to plummet) made things worse. Maybe she sees me differently now, though she probably doesn’t.

I wonder if she’s lying awake right now, thinking about this.