should i stay or should i go?

Friends again, or are we? You seem so distant these days, and I'm scared to pry because I don't want to come off as clingy or weird. I suppose it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I can't stand that place and I avoid it if I can... my comfort zone is so much nicer...

And I know you're busy with life... but sometimes I wonder if you're ignoring me.

what if what could have been had been?

I'm sorry, but the whole "I'm going to take over the world" thing gets so childish after a while. Go on and live in your fantasy where you own everything if it makes you feel so much better. I wonder if you realize just how creepy your megalomania sounds.

if you're not looking for something, it always finds you.

I couldn't run today because my wind up wand went missing. Try saying that three times fast. Stuck in suspended animation, circling thoughts, it's not usually a friendly place. I've made a decision and I'm going to help you, even if it kills me. If there's one thing I've learned from Science Fiction is that you can never truly get away from someone who's hellbent on seeking you out.

I guess that means you're fucked.

it's taking all i have not to call him.

Am I just making excuses for his behavior? I'm beginning to think that, more than anything, I'm insulted that he doesn't think I know him well enough to know what he thinks of me or us. Yeah, no one knows the real him- but I've learned the mannerisms of this "him" that he's been around me I'd like to think pretty well.

The only difference was my horrible mood.

Why do I feel like he's never going to let me live this down?

...
Reading my past thoughts... and I wonder how can it be that I'm so naïve?

emotionally masochistic.

I went asking for wisdom and I got it, and it's exactly what I wanted to hear. No one knows him better than he does, and who he is is a closely guarded secret (perhaps even to himself). So how do I get around that one? I don't. I accept him and am probably the only person with the ability to do so, no matter how much this may miff him. Because all I've ever wanted is acceptance for who I am, I can easily accept others' flaws and quirks. As someone outside of myself, it makes no sense why he'd want nothing to do with me (and I have a hard time believing he really has no desire to be around me). Why? Well, he acts like he cares plenty of times no matter how many times he asserts that he doesn't.

True, he wouldn't know romance if it kicked his ass. And maybe this is merely a clue to me to take charge and take what I can get. If he moves, so be it. I'll find a way to keep in touch. Even if he doesn't want to be mine, he'll always be a friend... and it's not unusual for friends to keep up with each other.

I know it doesn't make sense, but I'll keep trying.

redefining "heartache"

Pay no attention to the girl sitting at the back of the room, she's as worthless as she feels. It's only temporary. She'll get her act together eventually, pick up the pieces of the mask and be the person everyone remembers once more. Not this stranger with something so trivial as feelings. Not some emotional car wreck who's only wish is the possibility of attention or reciprocation. It's not bloody likely that he'll ever notice, but on the off-chance that he does, care. And she sits here and wonders why the hell does she even try? Why does she put up with it? There's so much more than meets the eye... and she's too scared to find out what the truth of the matter is.

this is the story of a boy with a broken back.

I can't help but to wonder, now, just how often people talk negatively about me. It may explain the multiple sneezes.

is that it, then? just tell me.

I get it. I really do. You might as well have put my name up in lights, it's obvious enough. I don't know why, but it hurts, hurts that you'd think I'd take away your reason to live. It hurts that your friends who know it's me... that they'd be so callous.

I'm not so low, really... and I know I haven't done anything to deserve your trust lately, but come on. You may not be able to trust me with your life, but you can trust me on this.

I promise you that I will not ruin this for you because of one simple fact- it's only a passing fancy. I know myself well enough, thanks.

if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears...

It's enough to make me want to scream, "WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES" from the highest place I can find. Why do people get off on bringing others down for their fuck ups? Are you not human? Do you not err? If you answered "no" to those rhetorical questions, congratulations. You are God. Now stop salting our wounds and making this world even worse by making it a point to remind us of our imperfection.

Have the balls to stand by me as a friend, even if you don't agree with every little thing I say. I don't agree unconditionally either, I don't expect anyone to do so with me.

get off my back, you're heavy.

I've come to the shocking realization that none of my friends know me. Should I fault them? It's not exactly fair. I suppose it's my fault for not being more true to myself. But this is the stuff friend tests are made of, 'cause once the dust settles people will let me know if they're still willing to be around me or if they want nothing to do with me over a misunderstanding.

Let's hear it for the internet, it's never been as serious as it is now. No one jokes here, if it's typed it's all true.

Get a fucking life OFFLINE.