Friday, July 18, 2008

please call me only if you are comin' home.

I think that there comes a time in which people who have known you for a long time want you to be the person that they first met instead of the person you've become.

Heaven forbid I grow and change.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

eggshell shards.

Trust is one of those things that's easy to lose, and hard to regain.

Monday, July 7, 2008

whatever.

It doesn't make sense that something someone once loved is suddenly less loved just because more people love it. Am I the one who is responsible for this murder? Please talk to me. I feel horribly ignored today and it's infuriating. I think that's just part of bleeding, part of living, and part of being lonely and hormonal. Don't mind me. Ahaha, mixed messages. I really need to get my thoughts straight.

It feels like there's a bandwagon everyone wants to jump onto and I'm the only one who's refusing. Hating something that deserves it is one thing, but to hate everything that is similar to it, that is part of that generalized topic umbrella, seems really fucking retarded to me.

I can't be the only person that knows how to avoid hating that which brings me joy. Why do you people let these things happen? Why do you let someone else ruin something for you? It's stupid. Stop doing it.

i suppose i should explain myself.

First off, I'm trying. I really am. I could be an accident, but I'm still trying. I guess I want things to be what they were, even if I know that will never happen. No amount of forgiveness will convince me that I'm worthy. In short, I can't forgive myself. Not yet, anyway. Isn't it ironic that I can't hold a grudge against someone for too long, but I can hate myself forever? I wonder why that is.

I just wish I was part of that inner circle. I wish I was to you what you are to me. Because I trust you so much, and sometimes it just feels unrequited. And it probably is. You have no reason to trust me, really. I wouldn't trust me, either. I don't trust myself, and maybe that's part of the problem. A person can't be happy with the world unless they're happy with themselves. I'm the farthest from happy that I've been with myself, and that's why I'm not happy with the world right now.

That, or hormones.

Fucking hormones.

I just feel like I've been blown off, ignored, et cetera... all because you're too nice to tell me to fuck off.

why can't i just be happy?

I need to stop getting jealous so easily. It's breaking my heart.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

read between the lines.

Coming to some vague realizations, and I'm still hung up on three coat hooks from the past. Will I ever manage to get myself free without tearing any fabric? Probably not.