First off, I'm trying. I really am. I could be an accident, but I'm still trying. I guess I want things to be what they were, even if I know that will never happen. No amount of forgiveness will convince me that I'm worthy. In short, I can't forgive myself. Not yet, anyway. Isn't it ironic that I can't hold a grudge against someone for too long, but I can hate myself forever? I wonder why that is.
I just wish I was part of that inner circle. I wish I was to you what you are to me. Because I trust you so much, and sometimes it just feels unrequited. And it probably is. You have no reason to trust me, really. I wouldn't trust me, either. I don't trust myself, and maybe that's part of the problem. A person can't be happy with the world unless they're happy with themselves. I'm the farthest from happy that I've been with myself, and that's why I'm not happy with the world right now.
That, or hormones.
Fucking hormones.
I just feel like I've been blown off, ignored, et cetera... all because you're too nice to tell me to fuck off.
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