so, this is love.

I forgot how fun it was, the stage where I’m still figuring everything out. As with my other truths, I like the mundane. There’s just something about it that makes me feel… comfortable. It’s not as exciting, but there’s something magical about being able to share silence and feeling like it wasn’t a waste of time. I hope you can understand what I mean. Being able to enjoy a presence without having to talk, talk, talk is liberating in its own way. I like just watching him. I often find myself staring, zoning out. Whether he’s stretching, or playing a game, or taking a shower, I like to watch him. Not like a lecher (though there are times when…).

I know I’ll have a hard time expressing it verbally, or even in words, so I guess that’s why I’m simply putting it here. For those who know me best to see, and attempt to know how it is that I feel right now.

I think that this time, this is the real deal, whereas last time I was just resorting. Selfless mind-indulgence, if you will. Because I was doing something for someone else, when a relationship should be about both parties. It was foolish, and now I see that while she may not have been settling on her wants, I was. Pretense, ruse, call it what you will. We’re all guilty of leading someone on at some point (don’t deny it). Just some… more than others.